When you love someone you do not want to see them hurting or you wouldn't just sit back and allow anyone to hurt them let alone be that person who hurts them. This I knew about myself, it upset me to see someone I love hurting, so much so that I would wish it were me hurting and not them, my reasoning was because I can deal with my hurt and not anyone else's, I recently found this to be a lie because I do not deal with hurt at all. I have no idea how I made that to seem okay in my head ( see why managing your mind is important?) Why did I find it okay for me to hurt? Why did I make sense of someone hurting me? Why did I allow someone to take me for a fool when clearly their caring words was nothing but that...WORDS, I learnt the truth through their actions and boy do I believe them now. In all fairness I take responsibility for being an enabler, I take responsibility in that had I known my worth, they would have not had the opportunity to treat me less than what I am worth. " Do not speak badly of yourself. For the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them" David Gemmell. This is basically what was happening with me. " Ladi you are not worth it, you are not worth that persons love." So I believed it and so I began living that way, accepting the "scraps" I was given.
Let me put it this way, say you bought a pair of Steve Madden shoes and a pair of no name brand, both aesthetically appealing, but because you know how much you spent on each pair you are going to take care of the other more than the other, simply because you know how much they are worth. Now I am talking about money, so imagine just how much more you are worth, I mean you were BLOOD bought. But you already know that don't you? I mean I knew that when I was born again, so I ask myself why did I allow people to mistreat such a valuable being? Simple, I did not love myself because I did not UNDERSTAND my worth. I did not fully understand what Jesus went through for me, had I then there is no way I would have let some people stay as long as they did in my life or beg for them to. If they did not see ME, they never would.
All good and well that I am reading the word and being equipped so that I am able to fulfill my purpose and be a part of the best Kingdom ever, but what good is it to me that I do not wisen up and see things for what they are and not what I hope they will be, calling a spade a spade. The kind of self love I speak of is not the pompous kind of love. It is the kind of self love that you feel towards yourself once you realise and understand what you cost. Who was sacrificed so that you can gain wisdom straight from the source, and truly cherish the gift you are through understanding who truly loves you, and if you want to be like Him you too honey should start loving you. ( Prov 19:8). For those who do not see your worth thus do not know how to love you, let it burn.
Now for a person who is learning to love them self I need to continuously remind myself, I am not my drunken times, I am not a rebound, I am not the convenience, I am not that failed relationship, I am not that poor girl whose father committed suicide, I am not desperate to be kept around, I am not January 9th 2012. As a matter of fact: " I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this." ( Psalm 139:14) I am a miracle, I am worth my love, I am worth loving.
Let Gods love be your compass in all that you do.*POW WOW*
