Totally hooked on God

This is the very first time in my life where I am hundred percent happy on hooked onto something. As is addicted, as in I cannot imagine my life without a dose. That’s right I am hooked on God.  He has been blessing me beyond what I have ever imagined, to think that is only the beginning blows my mind.

I am literally caught up in His grace like an avalanche. I have learnt to remain hooked to God so much more in the good times than I have in the past. See I would hold tighter onto God when things were wrong and when things became better I would loosen my grip, because I felt now I’ve got this. Man 2017 has taught me to shift my mind-set and allow God to work on my heart. Through that I hold onto God so tightly during the good times so that when the storms do come (and they will come) He is already there with me. I do not have to fight through whatever is coming my way, instead I just look up to Him and say “You’ve got me which means you’ve got this.” He truly does make all things work out for my good.

I boldly declare that I am highly favoured and that my tests have now become my testimony. Having lived at home most of my working life, I did not know what “responsibilities” really were. Everything was always taken care of, like everything. So when an amazing job opportunity came which required me to move out of home. That’s when the real “adulting” test came along. For the first time in my life I actually had to work out a budget, because with the great opportunity came great responsibility. For the first time in my life I had to actually “worry” about how I spent my money. I put the word worry in inverted comas because I came to the realisation that I cannot worry and trust God at the same time.  So does this mean I spent money recklessly because I serve a God who provide in abundance?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  This just meant I remember that He would not place me where His presence does not follow, ie wisdom, joy, mercy etc.

This does not mean that money just miraculously appeared, what happened with me is that I was gifted with wisdom in the way in which I spent my money. This made sure I never lacked a single thing. God always made a way to make sure that ALL my needs were met. Fast track to where I am now.  My family had a month of prayer and sharing of the word, we listed all our prayers and we stood in faith with each other for them. I can testify that EVERY single one of those prayers have been answered and others are being answered as I write this. I confidently say, like Joseph, I am highly favoured. Even in the midst of my storm, I am highly favoured. (Read Gen 41: 38-57). So I recently started my new job in a company that I have dreamt of working for since the start of my relationship with telecoms. When Vodacom called and said “We want you!” Man all I could say was “Look at God,” I was at my former job when I got the news, my best friend (Jess) and I were both jumping for joy. This was truly Gods hand, out of all those thousand applicants and interviews, they chose me. During orientation we were asked why we think we are sitting in the chairs we were sitting on. The official said it was not by chance there was something different that was spotted in each of us, which is why we are here. I started to smile on the inside because look as awesome as I am, they saw something greater than me on the inside that stored potential waiting to explode. They saw His light shining in and through me. Like I said it can only be God, for my good and His glory.

So as I continue on y new adventure in this journey called life. I urge each one of you reading this to not let the good times soften your faith, if anything they should propel you to dig your roots deeper into your source, so you can fully get all the nutrients you require to remain firm no matter the weather. What you bring back to God will return times 100 times 1000 times fold over.

Rest under the graceful hand of our father. Your wins are better when you acknowledge where they come from, that way you can rest assured they are robust and will withstand obsolesces. It's perfectly fine to play the background to a rockstar, allow Him to take the lead.


Let God create you script, allow Him to re-write your lines.
His love for you is out of this world. *Pow Wow* all my crazy lovies :-)

I surrender- my life has never felt so secured.

“I surrender all to you, withholding nothing, withholding nothing.” I cannot remember how many times I have sang those words, but it was only recently that I fully grasped the meaning of what I had been uttering for so many years, without a clue of the true meaning. Had I really surrendered ALL to God? Well I can tell you straight up, NO! It’s like I have been trusting God with some things and well, other things I trusted myself with. The scary thing when I look back is, I only trusted Him with the “little” things because I felt the need to be in control over the “big” things. The most dangerous thing I’ve ever done in my life. I know this because it showed in the fruit my decisions bore, or rather the lack of fruit.

See I am one of those people who likes to be in control of everything that happens in their life. I got my wake-up call in a sermon preached this past Sunday by Ps Ray Bevan ( do yourself a favour and get some of this mans sermons, he is on fire!) He preached on grace, the part that hit home for me was when he said “Beloved, surrender control in that out of control situation.” Man that was a major eye-opener for me, I realised just how I not in control I am of my life because frankly most of the happenings are beyond me. I had claimed to be a follower of Jesus, but was I fully, or was I kinda keeping track of His location while I wondered off? Matt 16:24 “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” This was a battle for me because I was like:  “But God, you want me to let go of all that I feel is good and take up a cross? I mean I know what my cross weighs, just to give you an idea; rejection, anger, emptiness, sadness, insecurities, loss, betrayal and the list goes on.  I am not sure I can even lift it, can’t I just leave it here?” Then He said to me “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” Matt 11: 28-30. It became clear to me that if I call myself His disciple, His son, and believe to be Christ like as I am made in His image, then surely like Jesus, I will endure hardship and all that not so fun stuff, BUT I will also, like Jesus follow God to glory, like Jesus I must surrender it all and withhold nothing. Clearly relying on my own strength has done me more damage than good. “What I once held dear, I count it all as loss”… The cross equals love. (Read Matt 16:25). Letting go and letting God in everything. This means, forgiving without confronting some people, walking away from unhealthy relationships trusting there is better up ahead, etc.

For the first time in my life I feel okay with being completely vulnerable, because that’s exactly what surrendering encompasses. Basically throwing down your riffle on the battlefield and allowing God to fight on your behalf, it isn’t your battle after all, as you are His. The victory at the end will be more glorious than the one you envisioned. “For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His father with His angel, and then He will reward each according to His works.” Matt16:27. I don’t know about you but I want to receive every reward with my name on it, not just some.

So beloved, walk naked towards God, with your hands held up in surrender. Allow Him to secure you with His belt of truth, protect you with His breastplate of righteousness, fit your feet with peace as you walk, crown you with His helmet of salvation, arm you with His sword of the spirit and protect you with the shield of faith.

Be restored, be renewed and rejoice in His unfailing love.

You are fully covered and fully loved. *POW WOW*

Closed my eyes so that I could see.

In my previous post I spoke about transitioning from my year of " Completeness" to my year of Purpose. When I was writing that piece,  I thought I saw the significance of it in totality, but like everything in this walk with my Majesty, there is always more to it than my natural sight can see.

So if I am now in a season of purpose then surely I am where I am meant to be. Sounds pretty straight forward doesn't it? Well I would like to take a deeper look at what this " being where I am supposed to be" means. Well it simply means I am on the right track to God's will in my life, for He is the one who has given me purpose( sorry to sound like Justin B there, but you get what I mean), if I was not then I know for sure He would make sure I get out of there. See every-time  I end up or ended up being angry or sad or resentful I know I was in the wrong place, with the wrong person/people, at the wrong time, doing the wrong thing. Although things around me are not perfect, I feel a sense of serenity and joy in my heart, you know why....... Because I know where I have been, and I know that is not where God wanted me to be, I know this because all He wants to do is protect my soul so I can stay in connection with Him, and where I have been there was practically no soul to connect with, because I was slowly killing it by allowing external factors take charge and instead of ignoring them and feeding my soul, I ignored my soul and fed the eeeeky stuff. ( You will have an idea of what I am talking about if you go back to when I started sharing my journey). 

The best feeling in the whole wide world is knowing that the God whom we serve is the same God we depended on before we were even born ( Psalm 71:6), DEPENDED ON BEFORE WE WERE EVEN BORN, WHAAAAAT!!!!  Surely this means we have nothing to fear when we are where God wants us to be because He knows, that we depend on Him therefore He will provide, so we should not complain. Instead we should close our eyes to the things we see and open them to the things unseen. Instead of complaining about  our circumstances ( Provided God is the one who placed us strategically and not situations we placed ourselves), find hope in that He is our Rock and fortress ( Psalm 71:3), He is the Rock in which we should live. we can fully depend on Him. So we need to stop trying to get ourselves out of situations through what is normal to the world, we are not of this world, so lets stop behaving like we are.

Let us be thankful in that when we are in complete pursuit of the Lord, He is doing the same, no as a matter of fact He is doing MORE. Let us praise Him in that irregardless of how far we push things, He never lets us go, if anything He pulls us even harder towards Him ( trust me I can be a rebel and boy does He reel me back fast fast, a Fathers love). Let our confidence in Him grow with each day. " Your righteousness reaches to the heavens, O God. You have done great things" ( Psalm 71:19). So close your eyes so you can see clearer, silence the voices so you can communicate effectively, open your heart so He can fill that void. He is about to do great things in your life.

That's a Fathers love. *POW WOW*

20 Gr8: Transitioning from my year of completion to my year of purpose

What a year 2016 has been, like my broer said " the year of many firsts"... Shadi you were right. So many changes, many which I have welcomed and others which I didn't...at first. I give thanks to God because He has reminded me just how miraculously and amazingly I have been made. Not to brag or anything but, I am His after all.

I have always thought I was one who was pretty comfortable with change, until change really took place. I mean lets face it, life had been a routine for me for the past +/-6 years. Till this year, I could hear Gods voice telling me to move, because if I didn't I would't make it... in more ways than one, trust me it was His voice because He began to set things in motion on my behalf. This was both literally and spiritually. I had to literally  pack my bags and start anew in a place I have never lived or intended to ( by the way Italy I am coming for you)and I had to "move" spiritually, oh boy and I thought leaving home was the hardest part of this "movement", I couldn't have been more wrong. So there I was in a new city, new job, new opportunities, I was set, or so I thought. All that I had suppressed in my year of completion ( turning 27)came gushing in. Reality kicked in, emotions got stirred and i found myself in pieces, pieces that I dint't break, pieces that I didn't take away, pieces that didn't belong. Crazy right? I mean I landed a fantastic job that suits my personality and allows me to go where I want to... but still "broken".

See the thing I love about God is that no matter how many pieces I feel I may be in, He reminds me that I am  not broken,the pieces in my life puzzle are merely misplaced, placed in the wrong place therefore they do not fit making the puzzle picture appear to be broken or I am adding pieces from another puzzle that were not meant to be there in order for my puzzle to be complete. Guys I am not perfect, as a matter of fact I will never be therefore will never claim to be, but on thing I can tell you is that He continuously restores me and comforts me so that I will be able to comfort others, so that He can restore them.

With that said I have a confession to make: I have had to ask God many times to take away what I know is my weakness, which is not being able to let go of people who have let go of me. This was due to the fear of suffering loss, once I care about a person I like many believe that they will be in my life forever, because I know my intentions for having them in my life are pure. So when their ill intentions are revealed it hurts having to cut them off, because with me once I cut, it's forever, knowing someone I once cared about and loved will no longer be a part of my life affects me in a big way, at times I wish I was like some people who can easily walk away, man what bliss that would be... but I am not so God had to make sense of all the relationship loses I have experienced ( friendships and situationships included, hahahahah.) He took me to 1 Pet 1:2, " God the father knew you long ago and chose you to live holy lives. With the Spirits help so that you are obedient to Jesus Christ and are sprinkled with His blood." I would like to take a look at the word "HOLY", this is used to describe moral perfection, but I love the fact that is is also describes someone or something that is sanctified and set apart for divine service.

See God chose you and I with purpose for a purpose, our purpose is to live holy lives. What this means is that whatever stops you from living a holy life, He needs to cut it. For me my  hurt was what stopped me from living a holy life for a while. I now know all I need to do is ask Him, it is not rocket science, ask Him to make me holy, which requires me to be disciplined. You need to be ready for this if you want your life to be transformed, be willing to do whatever He says no matter how uncomfortable, difficult or heartbreaking it may feel, feelings are temporary, Gods will in your life is permanent.

I am going through my process in order to fulfill my purpose, I am divinity in motion. Join me.

Our Daddy loves you and I so much. *POW WOW*

Loving myself.....the most terrifying thing for me

One would think that loving yourself would come naturally, well it most definitely does for some people. I guess that is why we like to emphasize that you should love others as you love yourself. This would mean that no matter what ,you will be there, showing them that irregardless of what may have happened or happens you are not going anywhere...That is love. I wish someone had said to me to love myself as I love others. It was a very difficult pill to swallow when it became apparent to me that I don't really love myself, not the way I am meant to anyway. It took them saying " I love you Ladi and I don't like seeing you hurt."

When you love someone you do not want to see them hurting or you wouldn't  just sit back and allow anyone to hurt them let alone be that person who hurts them. This I knew about myself, it upset me to see someone I love hurting, so much so that I would wish it were me hurting and not them, my reasoning was because I can deal with my hurt and not anyone else's,  I recently  found this  to be a lie because I do not deal with hurt at all. I have no idea how I made that to seem okay in my head ( see why managing your mind is important?) Why did I find it okay for me to hurt? Why did I make sense of someone hurting me? Why did I allow someone to take me for a fool when clearly their caring words was nothing but that...WORDS, I learnt the truth through their actions and boy do I believe them now. In all fairness I take responsibility for being an enabler, I take responsibility in that had I known my worth, they would have not had the opportunity to treat me less than what I am worth. " Do not speak badly of yourself. For the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them" David Gemmell. This is basically what was happening with me. " Ladi you are not worth it, you are not worth that persons love." So I believed it and so I began living that way, accepting the "scraps" I was given.

Let me put it this way, say you bought a pair of Steve Madden shoes and a pair of no name brand, both aesthetically appealing, but because you know how much you spent on each pair  you are going to take care of the other more than the other, simply because you know how much they are worth. Now I am talking about money, so imagine just how much more you are worth, I mean you were BLOOD bought. But you already know that don't you? I mean I knew that when I was born again, so I ask myself why did I allow people to mistreat such a valuable being? Simple, I did not love myself because I did not UNDERSTAND my worth. I did not fully understand what Jesus went through for me, had I then there is no way I would have let  some people stay as long as they did in my life or beg for them to. If they did not see ME, they never would. 

All good and well that I am reading the word and being equipped so that I am able to fulfill my purpose and be a part of the best Kingdom ever, but what good is it to me that I do not wisen  up and see things for what they are and not what I hope they will be, calling a spade a spade. The kind of self love I speak of is not the pompous kind of love. It is the kind of self love that you feel towards yourself once you realise and understand what you cost. Who was sacrificed so that you can gain wisdom straight from the source, and truly cherish the gift you are through understanding who truly loves you, and if you want to be like Him you too honey should start loving you. ( Prov 19:8). For those who do not see your worth thus do not know how to love you, let it burn.

Now for a person who is learning to love them self I need to continuously remind myself, I am not my drunken times, I am not a rebound, I am not the convenience, I am not that failed relationship, I am not that poor girl whose father committed suicide, I am not desperate to be kept around, I am not January 9th 2012. As a matter of fact: " I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this." ( Psalm 139:14) I am a miracle, I am worth my love, I am worth loving. 

Let Gods love be your compass in all that you do.*POW WOW*

He love you and I so much. 

Godliness vs Goodness & Holiness vs Happiness

At first glance you would think there is not much difference between godliness and goodness or holiness and happiness, but if you look deeper you will begin to see that one carries more weight than the other.

See the biggest difference between the words to me is that one is what God wants for us and the other is what we want for ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that God does not want us to be happy or have goodness in our lives. What I am saying is that He would rather have us holy because holiness is not attached to a thing or a person, it is attached to Him. Allow me to give you an example, think about what you would ask God for in order for you to be happy in accordance to you...Now tell me if that happiness is not attached to a thing or a person. Okay now think of something that you think you can ask God for that will bring goodness into your life... Is that goodness attached to a thing or a person? See the difference in what we want and what God wants for us is that what He wants for us is designed to strengthen, support and validate His existence in our lives, as opposed to the quick fixes we as humans want that are not robust in order to withstand obsolescence over an extended period of time. The reason why we don't always get what we ask for is because it is not in line with Gods perfect will for us.

God is more concerned with your holiness than your happiness, He wants to establish an intimate relationship so that even when things around you seem to be falling apart , you remain confident in that He is holy and He is devoted to complete the work He has started in you, provided you too are devoted to what you are set out to do. It is easy to remain holy when you are happy and things are going smoothly, but what happens when you are unhappy and are faced with disabling challenges? Will you conform to a quick fix or will you hold onto Gods word as it is a promise from Him to you? Not to scare you but imagine if God was easily moved and acted when He was in His feelings every time we did something that made Him unhappy... Luckily for us we serve a God who is loyal and follows through on His word. Think it is time we all take up the challenge and strive to be more like Him. 

A godly relationship is what God wants to have with you and I. He wants to show us that what we ask for at times is less than what He can give, because all He provides is according to His divine and perfect will. " Are you looking for great things  for yourself? Don't look for them because I'm going to bring disaster on all people, declares the Lord. But wherever you go I will let you escape with your life." ( Jer 45:5). Sometimes we ask God for things which we assume will be good for us, I challenge you to ask Him for wisdom as opposed to wealth because through your wisdom you will be equipped to produce wealth, ask Him to make you more holy as opposed to more happy, because through His holiness you will be happy, ask Him to influence you so that you can become more godly as opposed to good, because through your godliness others will see your goodness shine for His glory. Learn to ask God for things of the Kingdom and the things of the earth shall be added unto you.

Gods love for you has no limit, you were blood bought honey *POW WOW* 

Manage your mind

Forget finding yourself, find Jesus and allow Him to introduce you to the real you through His truth.

I've been through situations that have left me feeling gutted, basically hollowed me out, leaving me feeling empty. My mind would tell me to take time out to find myself and reinvent Pheladi. The thing I didn't like about "finding myself" was that I only identified with the negative perceptions people had of me and their actions towards me. So " finding myself" only intensified my feeling of being lost. It took away my freedom because my heart became set on all the wrong things. I began trying to fix what was "wrong" with me according to man, I grew tired of having to prove myself to anyone in order to gain approval or acceptance. There had to be more to life than being stuck in a cycle where I was enslaved by my own thoughts and the thoughts of others about me. Then it hit me, I actually hold the key to the chains that I willingly put on myself... I control my mind, I have the power to start a process in which will enable me to be free of all that is not of me, the real me. I just needed the correct guidance.

Gaining control of what I allowed myself to think about gave me a sense of peace, things that I once freely yielded to surely couldn't hold me captive unless I allowed them. An un-managed mind leads to unnecessary pressure. What I was believing about myself was not true, but because I wallowed so much in it I started believing it which resulted in me living it... a complete lie. But because my daddy loves me, He reminded me that who I THINK I am is not as important as who I BELIEVE Jesus is. He endured opposition from sinners so that I don't become tired and give up ( Heb 12:3). Yes I don't have the strength and stamina to free myself, but my hope is found in knowing the truth and that is found in Gods word. His word will discredit every single lie that has been plaguing your mind. " God didn't spare His own Son but handed Him over to death for all of us. So He will also give us everything along with Him" ( John 8:32)- Peace.Man the greatest wonder of all times is the love that was displayed on that cross at Calvary.

One has to be relentless in focusing their mind on God and His word on their lives, that will bring them freedom and the only way this can be achieved is through equipping their minds by reading His love story to us. You cannot find yourself by yourself, you didn't make you. God made you therefore He is the only one who can reveal your true identity to you. The truth truly does set you free, God sets you free. 


Let love lead, let God lead, His love for you is real. *POW WOW*